outdoors Archives - Active with Children

11 Ways to Stay Patient When Recreating with Children

Crisis doesn’t create character; it reveals character. I am no expert parent and don’t claim to know everything about raising kids, but I do know two things for certain: 1) raising kids is a constant onslaught of crises and 2) these crises reveal the impatient and sometimes terrible person that I am.

I also know that I love being active, that I love my kids, and that I want to be healthily active with my kids. Unfortunately, problems, complaints, crying, disasters, and all types of crises are much more common when recreating with my kids. When done with adults, activities like hiking, skiing, swimming, playing on the beach, canoeing, and biking—basically any outdoor activity—fill my soul and rejuvenate my body. Conversely, when I do these same activities with my young kids, I am sometimes filled with a general sense of murder. (I exaggerate, of course. Don’t call the cops.)

For example, I recently escaped to the peace and joy of the mountains with my wife and four kids only to have my seven-year-old son wet his pants after being on the hill for about 15 minutes. No change of clothes. We had just dedicated several hours of preparation and travel into an activity that now seemed impossible. What now? (I’ll tell you what I did some other time.)

These and other active outings with my kids test my patience, and I occasionally explode. Fortunately, I am insane, which is defined as “doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” Being insane, I keep getting out with my kids, confident that prior mishaps and crises will not repeat or won’t be as bad—or that I’ll handle them better. Joking aside, my little family has had many great (and terrible) experiences as we get out and active, and I am committed to making these recreational activities a continuing and blazing success moving forward.

I believe that whether we are successful in this goal depends perhaps less on my kids and more on my patience. Sadly, being more patient is not as simple as getting an oil change. In fact, I don’t know how to do it, really. I’m committed to mastering patience, however, and here are 11 points that I’ve come up with (or stolen from others) that will helpfully help me, you, and all parents of crazy and wonderful children to be more patient while recreating:

1. Invest in your kids, not the activity. The goal of each active outing is—or should be—to develop better relationships with your kids. Leaning to ski better, reaching the destination on the hike, or getting a good workout are all secondary benefits. By not focusing on the activity while with kids but instead the kids, the activity itself becomes more rewarding, I’ve found, and there is less reason to become impatient if the activity fails.

2. Give yourself way more time than you need—and then double it. When time is limited, stress increases, and patience breaks. If you think a hike with your kids will take an hour, schedule in two hours, and then be OK if it takes four.

3. Have low expectations. One of my goods friends credited his successful marriage to making sure that his wife always had low expectations. I think you can apply this to outings with kids. Keeping expectations low, for me, makes small successes bigger and better than they would be otherwise.

4. Fuel beforehand and during the activity. Eat a hardy meal before leaving. Like many, I am more inclined to explode on an empty stomach, and any seasoned parent knows that hungry kids are more irritable. And bring snacks. My wife often packs—in my mind—way too many treats for my kids. But when they get cranky, and when my temper begins to boil, I am grateful for the calming power of these treats for the kids.

5. Laugh frequently. It is hard to become impatient when laughing. If I had laughed when my son wet his pants right when we arrived at a ski resort a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have had time to lose my patience and get angry. And there are so many reasons to laugh when you take young kids out. Just open your eyes. Kids are ridiculously funny.

6. Play along (i.e. be immature). Kids can be experts at being annoying. If you are stuck listening to the same silly song while your family hikes, either join in or start singing your own ridiculous song. If you can’t stand getting splashed in the face by your kids while swimming, splash back. If you can’t handle hearing another Laffy Taffy joke, tell your own. If you can’t beat them (or get them to stop), join them (be just as immature as them).

7. Allow more freedom. Perhaps we parents tend to be too regimented and structured when we recreate with our kids. We have a tight schedule and rules. It isn’t in the program to look at bugs in the grass for thirty-six minutes straight, and it isn’t safe for kids to be out of sight on a hike. Let your kids play with the bugs, and although it’s good to stick together on a hike, maybe let them run ahead on the trail while playing hide and seek. Maybe don’t worry that they’ll get eaten by a bear if you can’t see them for a couple minutes.

8. Enforce key rules. On the flip side, there are a few rules and guidelines that will make each activity more fun for everyone in the family. For example, I think it is safe to say that “no hitting” is a pretty good rule that should have pre-established consequences. At the same time, kids should be allowed to be kids. They shouldn’t be penalized for being annoying. And if bears are a legitimate concern or if they might get lost by running a head on a hike, make them stay within sight. (Losing a kid on a hike—especially to a bear—will probably put a damper on the outing.)

9. Don’t take it personally. Being on outings with kids may often require many instructions and corrections to learning children. Sometimes there will be blatant disobedience. Sometimes they simply won’t hear you. Whatever happens, I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) not to take it personally. My kids (like yours, undoubtedly) aren’t great at following every command, and they get distracted, especially when we’re doing something fun. This doesn’t mean they hate me, and I don’t need to pout about it.

10. Pray for success. Literally, ask God above to bless the outing. When you believe and know that God is on your side, rooting for you along the way, patience is easier to come by. My wife is much better at this than I am, often crediting successful outings to her pre-activity prayer.

11. Stop while you’re ahead. If you push your kids’ limits, there will be more crying and screaming, and it will be much more difficult to be patient and kind. It may be wise to stop the fun when it is still… fun, with everyone happy and enjoying the activity so much they don’t want to stop and even beg to keep going.

I’m working on mastering these and other tips—again, I’m by no means an expert. How have these or other ideas helped you be more patient with your kids? How do you make active outings with your kids more successful? I’m interested to know. Leave a comment below.

A Few Reasons to Get Your Kids Out into the World

I’m not a homebody, so I’d probably get out and about even if it weren’t healthy for me and my kids, but I’ve been thinking about a few benefits that may come from a willingness to take your kids out of the house and risk many uncomfortable moments for you, your kids, and the public. Here’s a few thoughts about these benefits.

Taking kids beyond the comfortable walls of the home can be dangerous for a number of reasons, but rather than stay inside to avoid all kinds of painful, awkward, terrible, uncomfortable, and enraging experiences that naturally arise from leaving the house with kids, I have to get out. I get cabin fever. For instance, I would rather tackle the joys and inevitable pains of taking several children skiing than sit at home and watch a movie on a cold winter day. Even if going out means my kids will need to be quiet, calm, and respectful in public (employing skills kids have difficulty learning sometimes), I’d rather work on teaching these skills to my children than stay home and vegetate. For example, I prefer to go to church meetings on Sundays with my kids (most of the time) rather than stay home.

I would rather tackle the joys and inevitable pains of taking several children skiing than sit at home and watch a movie on a cold winter day.

Your kids will make you laugh—and maybe feel a bit embarrassed.

If you let your kids regularly experience the many wonders that exist outside of your house—out and about among neighbors, strangers, and friends—you are sure to have some great laughs.

The last Sunday outing to church with my family turned out to be quite memorable. When our young family entered the chapel, my five-year-old’s innocent conduct would have made many parents cringe and turn red in embarrassment. I, however, wanted to laugh out loud. We walked into the opening sacrament meeting a minute or two late (yes, we are not always on time, but we get there!), and the brother who opened the meeting was in the middle of announcing a community service project the coming Saturday in which everyone would first meet at the church to eat “doughnuts” together—a nice little incentive for those who participated. My five-year-old was ecstatic, only hearing the word “doughnuts.” As we carefully and quietly inched across the bench to our seats, he began yelling into the congregation: “Doughnuts! Doughnuts! Doughnuts!” My three-year-old also joined in, along with another child who is old enough to know better. My family became a lovely, youthful chant of “Doughnuts! Doughnuts! Doughnuts!” What a wonderful way to begin the meeting. And how much more wonderful than staying in the comfort of our home.

Although I didn’t laugh then, a few minutes later, further innocent child behavior almost got me to laugh out loud. This particular Sunday was fast and testimony meeting, where members of the congregation who are fasting can stand up and share spiritual feelings—referred to as a testimony. Generally, each testimony is given over the pulpit in front of the congregation, but in some congregations, a corded microphone is passed to members sitting in the benches of the chapel. A lady in our congregation who does not walk very well opted to use the microphone rather than trudge up to the pulpit. Almost everyone in my congregation uses the pulpit, so her speaking into the chapel speaker system from the back of the congregation was somewhat unique for my little family, which as seated near the front of the chapel. As she shared her testimony, my eight-year-old looked up toward the pulpit, heard the lady speaking, but couldn’t see her. He turned to me with a puzzled expression and asked, “Why is she invisible?” Awesome. Although nearly bursting out, my laughter kept itself inside. Again, what a wonderful memory brought to me as a result of getting out into the world with my kids.

Although nearly bursting out, my laughter kept itself inside. Again, what a wonderful memory brought to me as a result of getting out into the world with my kids.

Funny enough, when kids and parents are out together in public, it is often the parents who are the truly embarrassing ones. Who hasn’t seen a parent harshly scold a child in a public space for not acting like an adult—and in so doing create a truly terrible public display? (Yes, I’ve probably been that parent at times.) If I had yelled at my little five-year-old for innocently proclaiming his love for doughnuts, this would have been awkward and embarrassing. What he did as a child, although in a way unexpected, was expected. It was typically wonderful of how kids are. Although I should teach him good manners and should correct this outburst, I also should not be embarrassed, and I shouldn’t stay at home in an attempt to avoid embarrassment.

Because your kids don’t act like adults, you’ll make some enemies, but your kids will have a better shot at becoming healthy adults.

Maybe I am wrong, but I believe the general public is quite accommodating and understanding of children. Yes, some people believe kids are quite entirely terrible. Although these people acknowledge that kids are a necessary evil required to perpetuate the human race, they believe it is a crime to bring them into the public—especially if you, the parent, haven’t taught (or forced) the kids to act like adults. For example, a man at Walmart the other day collided with my not-paying-attention-where-he-was-walking five-year-old son, and the man looked at me like I had flipped him off. He seemed to say in his mind: “Look you stupid, irresponsible father, haven’t you taught your child to walk in a straight line and not get distracted? The impact of his reckless, thirty-five pounds of tender baby flesh almost snapped my leg in half! Had he been walking three miles an hour instead of two and a half, he likely would have killed me! He shouldn’t be in public unless he can act like an adult.” I responded in my mind: “Yes, sir, you are correct. I think I’ll go home and lock him in his room for the next decade and a half, far from the world. That way he’ll really develop into a normal and healthy adult member of society.” People like this Mr. Angry-at-Kids exist, but most people love kids and understand that it is OK to take your kids out into the world to do things like shopping—even at the risk that the kids might brush against an adult, knock down a display, or—heaven forbid—run down an aisle.

Kids who prefer, are encouraged, or are forced to stay at home, are likely to develop unintended problems and antisocial behavior, such as a serious relationships with their phones (or some form of a cyber world or electronics). These types of kids are the ones that scare me and who I think present a danger to society, not so much because of who they are now but because of who they may become: adults who simply don’t know how to function in society. The kids that get out into the world—talking with and bumping into strangers, actually speaking and playing with their friends rather than texting them, throwing real mud and dirt rather than cyber grenades at cyber enemies—are the ones who carry more of my hopes and who I believe have a leg up on becoming productive members of society. In the end, if you don’t want to take your kids outside because they’ll create awkward experiences, just remember that you may save you and yourself from awkward moments now, but these kids will more likely grow to be non-social, completely awkward adults—living in your basement for an awkward eternity.

The kids that get out into the world—talking with and bumping into strangers, actually speaking and playing with their friends rather than texting them, throwing real mud and dirt rather than cyber grenades at cyber enemies—are the ones who carry more of my hopes and who I believe have a leg up on becoming productive members of society.

Your kids may be less likely to avoid mental disorders as adults.

If you lead by example and get out and about, particularly into nature, your kids are more likely to get out and about themselves and receive very significant benefits: they’ll likely learn more confidence, creativity, responsibility, and they’ll exercise more and have less stress and fatigue. But the benefits to your kids may extend well beyond their youth. I was surprised to hear about a recent study that found a strong correlation between outdoor activity in green space and a lack of psychiatric disorders. This study showed that children who grew up interacting with the lowest levels of “green space” had up to a 55% higher chance of developing some kind of psychiatric disorder, such as depression. Even if this correlation isn’t necessarily causation, I certainly believe that the outdoors, especially clean, green, natural, and open spaces, immediately create happiness and peace. The dangers of the outdoors seem quite insignificant when I consider potential mental health problems. I am much more willing to let my kid fall into a stream, cut his knee on a rock, or get a terrible sunburn if it means preserving the health of his most important and sensitive organ: his brain. Cuts and bruises on the body heal much quicker and are far less serious to me than mental disorders.

If we or our kids don’t like spending time in the outdoors, far beyond the walls of our homes, or if we or they find these environments boring, there may be a big problem with our brains. The mental palette needs to be developed so that this type of activity becomes delicious. A diet of indoors and electronics just isn’t healthy. We and our kids are wired to be in nature—not in front of a screen—and if we’ve screwed that wiring up, we need to get help from the mental electrician.

We and our kids are wired to be in nature—not in front of a screen—and if we’ve screwed that wiring up, we need to get help from the mental electrician.

In conclusion, three benefits of getting out of the house and into the public and nature include—in addition to curing cabin fever—great memories and laughs, social development for kids, and better mental health for the entire family. I’d say it’s worth it, even if your kid yells in a chapel, bumps into and offends a stranger, or falls and scrapes his knee in the dirt.

The Vizsla: An Active Dog for an Active Family

It was love at first sight. Although I had dogs growing up, I never considered myself a dog person, but the first time I saw a vizsla, in my early 20s, I immediately fell for the breed. I was in the American Fork Canyon in Utah on a weekend hike, and a sleek, golden-rust-colored dog with energy, confidence, and a remarkably smooth agility passed by me. Its mission, to enjoy the outdoors with its owner, was apparent and inspired me. Surprising myself, I quickly asked the owner what kind of dog it was (I thought at the time that it might be socially unacceptable to ask owners questions about their dogs). I might not ever run into this attractive breed again. “A vizsla.”

Yes, I was thoroughly won over, but I did not at the time fully realize how magical—and divinely inspired—this moment was. God, it seems, spiritually engrained the moment and memory into my soul, preparing me to receive a blessing that wouldn’t be ripe for the picking until almost fifteen years later: a vizsla for my wife and kids. Also surprising, I never forgot the vizsla breed name, and I started telling people that one day, if I got a dog, it would be a vizsla. At my first encounter with a vizsla, I was single and had not really discovered or recognized my love for exercise and the outdoors, but God knew—and perhaps I knew—that this dog would be the perfect outdoor companion to the person I was becoming, somebody with a passion for long-distance running, mountains, and God’s creations. I certainly had no idea how fitting the vizsla I found fifteen years later would be for my wife, who I had not yet met, and our four young kids.

This is why I, a husband and father of four little kids, love vizslas. (Disclaimer: this is about how much I love the vizsla breed based on my limited experiences with a few vizslas and primarily my experience with our vizsla who just turned a year old. I do not profess to be an expert on the vizsla breed. Yet, others agree that the vizsla is a great dog for an active family.)

1. Vizslas are Full of Love (a.k.a Energy) for Everyone in the Family

I like to describe vizslas as “full of love.” I believe this accurately describes the energy they convey, like most dogs, to people, especially their owners. It is also my gentle way of describing their high level of energy. “Full of love” is another way of saying “incredibly energetic.” When I started telling people that I hoped to one day have a vizsla, I’d often hear the loaded warning: “Oh, that is an active dog.” I quickly learned that this phrase was code for things like: “A vizsla will tear up your house,” “You aren’t active enough to handle this type of dog,” “You will make a big mistake by buying a vizsla,” “You’ll end up getting rid of it and only further burdening our dog overpopulation problem,” and “You’re an idiot.” There may be some truth to these warnings. For most people, I wouldn’t recommend a vizsla, especially if running, the outdoors, hunting, or an active life is not a priority. Vizslas are a unique breed—but a breed that I absolutely love. When I open my vizsla’s kennel door, its like lighting a firecracker in my kitchen. When I run with my vizsla in the mountains for hours, she returns home and acts as if she went on a peaceful walk in the park. When my three-year old girl wakes up in the morning, our vizsla—who is the same height—excitedly licks the remains of last night’s dinner off her face. For the most part, I love this energy. Any annoyance I might have is generally swallowed up by the knowledge of the additional blessing this energy brings. They are great runners, as I discuss in more depth below.

The love vizslas have is not just pure energy. Known as “the Velcro Dog,” they can’t stand to be anywhere but stuck to your side. If I sit down or lay in bed, my vizsla will cuddle up right next to me for hours, regardless of whether I have exercised her recently. Even if she hasn’t gotten her wiggles out for the day (which is highly advisable), she will cuddle. She also cuddles with my wife and with my kids (but because my kids aren’t as delicate with her, perhaps, she prefers my wife and me). She gets intimate with everyone. If she weren’t a dog with pure intentions, I would call her promiscuous. She has never attacked or truly hurt any of my kids, but she has justifiably defended herself when my kids have become dangerously rough with her.

2. Vizslas Have Energy to Fuel the Entire Family

One of the main reasons I bought a vizsla was because the breed dominates running. Every online list of running dogs includes the Hungarian vizsla, not only for long-distance but for fast runs. I am busy raising my four young children, working full time as a lawyer, and staying active in my community and church, and if I don’t exercise (running being my principal exercise), I become unhappy and, well, fat. My vizsla is an excellent running companion who motivates me to keep running. She is perfectly engineered for the task. I have been running for a good 15 years and am a full-grown adult human, a species that many argue is born to run, but after just a few months, my vizsla pup could both sprint faster than me (not a huge feat) and run longer distances than me. (However, my vizsla is just a year old, and based on advice from people smarter and more experienced than me, I am slowly easing into long-distance running until she is fully grown and her growth plates are completely developed, but a half-marathon distance run in the mountains at about 9 months old didn’t seem to phase her.) Even burdening her with a dog backpack full of my supplies doesn’t slow her down at all on trail runs.

A vizsla is also a healthy obligation to be active. Buying a vizsla is somewhat like signing up for a race, only a much bigger commitment. When I sign up for a marathon, I feel obligated to run more—and actually do run more. Now that I have purchased a vizsla, I am obligated to run for the next 11 to 15 years, my vizsla’s expected lifespan. I love this obligation. Our vizsla listens for me to get out of my bed each morning, and when she hears me stir, she jumps out of my son’s bed where she has been sleeping all night, wagging her body like a fish, excited to go running, whether that was my plan or not. So I run more in the mornings, despite sometimes thinking I am too busy with kids for exercise. And if our vizsla smells sweat on my wife or me, her excitement goes through the roof. Sweat is associated with her favorite activity: running—and sometimes in the mountains.

We cannot tire our vizsla. She can easily run with me in the early morning, transition right into a jog with my wife while I shower and get ready for work (and hold down the fort full of kids), and—if I want—chase me on my mountain bike for miles on an evening ride. This is her ability, not necessarily a requirement. She isn’t insanely full of unmanageable energy. Right when we stop, she cuddles right up to us and falls asleep. We have only noticed her getting anxious if we haven’t been active for a few days.

Interestingly, after I’d already committed to and purchased a vizsla, I learned that the breed dominates speed, in addition to dominating long distance running. Vizslas can sprint up to 40 mph, which makes them one of the fastest dogs in the world, usually ranked third or fourth fastest. Salukis and the famed greyhounds (45 mph) are the two that commonly boast faster times. What this means for you and your family of kids is that your vizsla will never be caught in a game of tag in the backyard. In fact, I have never successfully tagged her. She toys with me, never letting me get within more than a few feet of her, making me feel two decades older and slower than I am.

3. Vizslas Are Low Maintenance, a Blessing to a Busy Family

If you have kids, you probably don’t want to add more cleaning and maintenance responsibilities to your life. I am amazed each day how quickly our four kids can destroy a house. And I am amazed at how long it takes us to get them to bed each night. I don’t need to dedicate more time to taking care of a dog. Although having a dog requires a lot of work, for me, vizslas are low maintenance (and others agree).

When I say low maintenance, I don’t mean that you don’t need to exercise them or get them out into the world to get their wiggles out. Rather, they give you great bang for your buck. If you want a powerful tool for enjoying the outdoors but with fewer grooming needs than other dogs, you might want a vizsla.

First, they are very clean. Mud and dirt seems to fall off their sleek, short hair. They are also a self-cleaning breed, using their tongues to clean themselves. You could potentially get them muddy in the outdoors, throw them in their kennel, and wait for them to leave their kennel as if it is a washing machine. They do need to be bathed, but not as regularly as many other breeds. I recently took the cleanliness of a vizslas for granted. My sister and I went into the mountains with our three dogs: a vizsla and two miniature schnauzers. After running in a couple streams, the mud and dirt slid right off my dog and didn’t really affect the overall cleanliness of my minivan when we returned back to the car, but the miniature schnauzers retained and released mud all over my car.

Similarly, vizslas score well on the stinky scale. They are known to exude almost no smell, in fact. Some dogs, despite regular bathing, constantly smell terrible. Even after a few weeks without a bath and regular outdoor activities, a can tolerate our vizsla, but after a bath, I feel perfectly comfortable cuddling up with her on the couch. Well, mostly comfortable. The one thing I have to worry about is shedding; I keep my black suits away from her.

Yes, vizslas shed, but it isn’t terrible like some dogs. One of the main reasons my wife didn’t want a dog was because she can’t stand hair. Marrying me with my hairy chest was enough of a sacrifice. Getting a dog—especially a shedding dog—was, for years, out of the question. But after explaining the low-shedding nature of a vizsla’s coat, my wife was more inclined to let us get one, and she hasn’t complained about the vizsla hair in our house, which exists but isn’t a huge cleanliness issue to us or my wife who, again, hates dog hair, human hair, and any kind of loose hair.

The shedding has its benefits. Vizslas do not require haircuts, which really attracts me. I hate the idea of spending money to cut hair, especially $50 for a dog. I can’t even get myself to take my three boys to the barber. Once every couple months or so, I complete four haircuts at no expense: three little boys’ hair and my own. Not having to either cut or pay for a vizsla haircut makes my life simpler and less expensive.

4. Vizslas Are Intelligent and Can Quickly Learn the Family Rules

Vizslas are known for their intelligence; however, because they mature slower than other breeds, some believe training takes more patience and time than with other breeds. This was not the case with our vizsla. Our dog’s quick ability to learn was a huge perk for our child-filled home. I spend way more time than I would like trying to get my kids to eat their food, clean their rooms, obey their mother, pick up toys, and—perhaps the most difficult—get to bed at night. I was pleasantly surprised at how little time we needed to spend teaching our dog the basic family rules. She was potty trained in a few weeks, will obediently stay in our backyard even if we leave the gate open (most of the time), goes to her kennel on command, and has finally learned to not steal food off of the counter. She kept doing this when we weren’t looking until we recently caught her red-handed and gave her a cold shower with the hose. She’s been perfectly obedient now for a few weeks. Our vizsla also knows a ton of awesome tricks. She can sit, shake, twirl, lay, jump (she has a great vertical leap), give high-fives, roll over, play dead, and more. In fact, my siblings think that I am a much better dog owner than I am based on the many tricks our vizsla can perform—many more than the various schnauzers in my family realm (all my siblings have schnauzers). The only thing we haven’t managed to teach our active vizsla is to not pull on the leash, but a Gentle Leader collar has certainly helped.

In conclusion, if you want a committed family companion that will unconditionally love you and your kids, will inspire you to get outdoors and stay active (both with your kids and on your own), will require less maintenance and upkeep than most other dogs, and will likely be fairly easy to train to obey the rules of the home, a Hungarian vizsla may be the right dog for your family.